I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
