I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
