At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
