Barsexuality is the new black.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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