From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
