I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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