does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize