I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh god it's open bar.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
