Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
