Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
