I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
