Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize