No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
