i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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