i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
