the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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