there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
