i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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