I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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