No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
