Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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