Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
