I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just found puke in my bra..
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
