this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
