I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize