Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
