here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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