Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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