I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
