Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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