I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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