I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
