So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
