i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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