don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
