Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize