I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
