Your tits are I can't wait for
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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