she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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