I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
