I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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