oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
