hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize