Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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