Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
...so i touched it.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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