Too much gin, very little bucket
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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