Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
