please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
