Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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