flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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