It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
