i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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