i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
