She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
