Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
