There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
