i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
