she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
