it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
