the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
