Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
