I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize