When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
