i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
